Macmark,
I have to say I have no experience with bRemote, since I use Girder myself.
However it looks like they are almost the same, so i will try to give you a few pointers.
Take a look at the bsp.h file in the SDK subdirectory of BSplayer.
It contains all the info you need :
The BSplayer window is called "BSPlayer"
It's important that you use the window option because when you have openend a movie the video window will be the top window and this one doesn't accept messages. (so don't use current window)
The msg parameter = 1026 (this is always the same for BSplayer)
The wparam = 21 (for pause, get the rest out of the bsp.h)
The lparam = 0 (always)
This should do the trick.
In case it's not working I sugest you give Girder a try.
That way you can use my configuration file (with a few small modifications for the latest versions that I still need to take care of)
I wrote a small tutorial on building a remote and controlling BSPlayer with both WinLirc (I don't recommend that) and Girder.
Maybe it's of use to you :
http://users.skynet.be/RafkeP/tutorials/remote
Good luck,
Rafke